The snatch lift is a lift that is full of adversity. One wrong move, or slightly off position and the bar is quick to remind you in the form of gravity and negativity that you are wrong. Your best teacher is pain. It's feedback telling you to try that again and do it right this time. But you are human and not a robot so your approach to your lifts will vary in skill, intensity, form, aggression, focus and some of the time you will experience pain for your efforts. 'Snatch is for life' is what my coach tells me and it's so true. No matter what you are always perfecting it and always learning from it and you will fail at 50% of your lifts. The clean and jerk is the more skilled lift, but the snatch is the scariest and the easiest to get wrong.
My week has been really terrible and full of adversity and so todays workout really helped remind me that I just have to work through it and be ok with being human. Part of my week involved very hard feelings over my Whole 30 diet and feeling really discouraged. One of the cardinal rules about whole 30 is not to weigh yourself, so of course that was the rule I've had the hardest time with. I was really upset to see that after having lost 4lbs in the first two weeks, I was back up and only had lost 1lb overall. I ignored the fact that my skin is looking so much better, that I'm less puffy and bloated, that my clothes fit better. I was angry that I'd eliminated my biggest vice - coffee beverages, only to not lose a substantial amount of weight and that didn't seem fair.
Something people don't understand with the whole 'fat shaming' issue (which was brought up this week thanks to the polarizing news article about lululemon) is that when you are overweight, every fat cell in your body is loaded with feelings of inadequacy, shame and self loathing. When someone makes a comment to you (innocent or deliberately insensitive) reminding you of the feelings you already feel about yourself, nothing feels lower to you. You feel unworthy, inadequate and unlikeable and the comment validates those feelings for you. All because your body is a size that isn't generally desirable. I've been skinny before and I've lost weight before and I always, ALWAYS forget what it's like to be living in that moment of feeling deeply ashamed of myself - because it's easier and more comfortable to live in denial about how low you've been and how terrible that place is. So I think my point is, when someone seems to you to be very defensive about 'fat issues', it's coming from a place of deep hurt and working through issues of self worth. This week I've been working through my own issues as to why I was so upset about *only* losing 1lb, and working on my issues of feeling rage at the rhetoric about the article and being so hard on myself when clearly things are going in the right direction. If I've been a hard person this week it's because I've been raging internally. I've been fighting these mental demons and learning some hard lessons. I dropped the bar, but I will line my feet up, line my grip up, get jacked and try again.